39: Paul Is Dead — OR IS HE????
Posted on | July 26, 2009 | 13 Comments
You have likely heard of the conspiracy theory known as Paul Is Dead. It goes like this: in 1966, Paul McCartney died in a car crash. Worried about the Beatles’ careers, manager Brian Epstein paid off reporters to not cover the story. Knowing that their fans would never accept a replacement band member, they decided to fool them by replacing Paul with a look-a-like! However, feeling extremely guilty about their deception and distraught over the loss of their friend, the Beatles then proceeded to hide clues about his death in their songs and album artwork.
So you know the theory. But now you ask yourself: IS IT TRUE?
Let us examine the facts.
Supporting Paul being dead:
- Throughout his life, Paul McCartney did not always look exactly the same. COINCIDENCE???
- Paul McCartney still, to this very day, does not look exactly as he did in 1965.
- On the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, if you place a mirror on the bass drum in the middle of LONELY HEARTS, it says, “1 ONE 1 X HE () DIE.” I think we all know what that means.
- This one time, he totally wore a black carnation
- And then, this other time, he was barefoot.
- Oh, and also, John Lennon sang, “the walrus was Paul.” As we all know, all walruses are dead. (We’ll therefore discuss how John Lennon was really dead at the time of recording next!)
- In A Day In The Life, John sings about a man who blew his mind out in a car. Could it really just be happenstance that Lennon wrote those lyrics years before the details of Paul’s death came to light??? How would he have known how Paul died unless it actually happened?
- At the end of Strawberry Fields Forever, John says “cranberry sauce,” widely known to be the dish that Paul McCartney always wanted to have served at his wake.
- If you play Revolution 9 backwards, it sounds really fucked up, man.
- “Paul” was once quoted as saying “so, right after I replaced the real Paul, you know, when he died, I mean, uh . . . hey, what’s that over there? Wanna hear me sing Yesterday?”
Opposing Paul being dead:
- Paul McCartney is still the same person he was 45 years ago, and is alive.*
IS PAUL REALLY DEAD? YOU DECIDE.
*And in the enormously tiny chance that he wasn’t, dude. They found a guy who looks like Paul, walks like Paul, talks like Paul, sounds like Paul, sings like Paul, plays bass like Paul, has all of the same mannerisms as Paul, is a total dork like Paul, and writes brilliant fucking songs like Paul, and then convinced people that he really was Paul for 40 years. Shut the fuck up. They earned that shit.
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13 Responses to “39: Paul Is Dead — OR IS HE????”
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July 26th, 2009 @ 4:19 am
While it’s true that Paul didn’t die, it is not true that he’s alive. You see, he discovered time travel and went back to write all of Shakespeare’s plays except Titus Andronicus. He left behind a look-alike whose real name is Kit Bacon. Some people say Kit Bacon is really an alien, but they’re real tinfoil hat types.
July 26th, 2009 @ 4:24 am
LMFAO! This is hilarious!
On the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, if you place a mirror on the bass drum in the middle of LONELY HEARTS, it says, “1 ONE 1 X HE () DIE.” I think we all know what that means.
LMAO LMAO
July 26th, 2009 @ 4:53 am
I think an evil twin replacing Paul is the only explanation for those godawful electronic records he made..
July 26th, 2009 @ 5:48 am
Bwahaha! I love the beatles. Wish I’d been keeping an eye on you all blogathon!
July 26th, 2009 @ 10:49 am
Beatles writer (and Capitol Versions apologist) Bruce Spizer wrote an excellent article entitled Paul McCartney Admits Beatles Planned Death Hoax.
This article was originally published in 2004.
April 1st, 2004.
July 26th, 2009 @ 11:37 am
Ha, thanks for the link Hubbit. That is awesome.
(Also, is he an apologist so much as he is an obsessive fan and expert on all Beatles releases ever put out? In any case, I can’t fucking wait for the Beatles Trivial Pursuit — which he wrote the questions for — to come out in a few weeks. Also, I saw him speak once at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame about the Butcher cover, back before I knew who Bruce Spizer was, or even really what the Butcher cover was.)
July 26th, 2009 @ 1:11 pm
Oh, Spizer is definitely an obsessive fan and expert. I suppose by “Capitol Apologist” I really meant “obsessive fan and expert who not only does not believe that Capitol eviscerated the Beatles catalogue but is in fact pretty much convinced that Capitol rearranged it into a form that US audiences could better comprehend due to the way the record market worked here”.
I shall now congratulate myself for longest run-on sentence of my career.
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